Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLINAge is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN