The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLINI put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN