People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINI put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Religion is just mind control.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN