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George Carlin Quote - I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLIN

Baby Conservation Death Live Soldier Teaching
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLIN

Consider Kill Personality Situation
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN

Brain Damage Healing Helping One Liner
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN

Acceptance Attitude Humour Lying Myself Reason Truth
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLIN

Breathe Life Memories Moment Travel
There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bad Funny Humour Intention Philosophy Positive
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Challenge Hard Time Humour Inspirational Situation
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny House Humour Place Stuff
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Future Healing Immediate Past Present
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN

Darkness Forecast Light Morning Night Weather
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN

Age Hell Humour One Liner Price Wisdom
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLIN

Audience Funny Stage World
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN

Concerntration Crack Flower Fuck Grass Hero
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Earn One Liner People Self Love
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN

Disappointment Sad Scratch
There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Howl Moon Night Silence Wolf
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bad Christmas Girl Jolly Live Reason Santa Sex
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN

Confidence Inspirational Life
If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN

Children Fuck Humour Role Model
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deal Earth Men One Liner Women
The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLIN

Crazy Funny Humour Men Reason Stupidity Women
Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN

Church Money Religion
I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bagpipe Crack Hook Humour People Play
People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN

Closure Head Healing People
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN

Average Person Realize Stupidity
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN

Citizen Ignorant Leadership Selfish
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLIN

Ending Life One Liner Unfair

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