The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINIf you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
More George Carlin Quotes
-
-
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN -
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN -
How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLIN -
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN -
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN -
It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLIN