Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLINThe only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Is there another word for synonym?
GEORGE CARLIN