The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLINAvoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN