Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINAvoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN