“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.”

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.

The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.

There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.

The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.

There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.

People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

I came home every Friday afternoon, riding the six miles on the back of a big mule. I spent Saturday and Sunday washing and ironing and cooking for the children and went back to my country school on Sunday afternoon.

I came from a big family – two brothers and two sisters. So, there were always a ton of boys around and a ton of girls around. So, I grew up comfortable with both sexes.

The Christian faith begins not with a big DO but with a big DONE.

If you have a big problem in your life, all that means is that you are being a small person!

I think big! I choose to help thousands and thousands of people!

I had no desire to be an film actress, to always play somebody else, to be always beautiful with somebody constantly straightening out your every eyelash. It was always a big bother to me.

Therefore you must grow to be a big container so you cannot only hold more wealth but also attract more wealth. The universe abhors a vacuum and if you have a very large money container, it will rush in to fill the space.

For, the circumference of one of these little Animals in water, is not so big as the thickness of a hair in a Cheese-mite.