People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN