Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
More George Carlin Quotes
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLIN