What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
More George Carlin Quotes
-
-
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN -
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN -
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN -
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLIN