Life is tough, then you die.
GEORGE CARLINEveryone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Meow means woof in cat.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLIN