If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLINElectricity is really just organized lightning.
More George Carlin Quotes
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Always do whatever’s next.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
GEORGE CARLIN