One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLINMeow means woof in cat.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN