I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLINThe main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
More George Carlin Quotes
-
-
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLIN -
People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLIN -
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN -
It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLIN -
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN