If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLINIf you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
More George Carlin Quotes
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN