“The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

The planet is fine. The people are fucked.

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.

People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.

The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?

Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.

Is there another word for synonym?

Meow means woof in cat.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.

We are all born crazy. Some remain that way.

I like the crazy ones- the ones made of a little bit of human and a lot of star.

Fame freaks me out. Do you just wake up different? I don’t know how to scale it back if it gets too crazy.

I was suddenly left with nothing in my hands but a handful of crazy stars.

I realized either I was crazy or the world was crazy; and I picked on the world. And of course I was right.

It’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.

Oh come all ve misfits, you belong in my fun freak world.

I’m strange! I have a weird sense of humor! I look crazy!