The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLINMen are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN