The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLINNot only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLIN