What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLINThe caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
More George Carlin Quotes
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN