Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLINI had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN