Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLINReligion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLIN -
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN -
How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
GEORGE CARLIN -
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Meow means woof in cat.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Life is tough, then you die.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
GEORGE CARLIN -
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN
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