If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLINReligion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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Religion is just mind control.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN