When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLINAlways do whatever’s next.
More George Carlin Quotes
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLIN