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George Carlin Quote - Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

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Funny Humour Idiot Maniac

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN

Citizen Ignorant Leadership Selfish
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Baby Conservation Death Live Soldier Teaching
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Funny House Humour Place Stuff
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Breathe Life Memories Moment Travel
Life is tough, then you die.
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Die Life One Liner Reality Tough
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN

Comedy Humour Liberty Thinking
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLIN

Average Direction Each Other Expectation Life Opposite
Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN

Inspirational Life One Liner Success
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bad Christmas Girl Jolly Live Reason Santa Sex
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN

Disappointment Ideal One Liner Person
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN

Fight One Liner Peace Screw Sex Virgin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN

Alcohol Floor Funny One Liner Tequilla
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN

Brain Damage Healing Helping One Liner
If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLIN

Charge Hustle Inspirational Kill One Liner
I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Bagpipe Crack Hook Humour People Play
The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
GEORGE CARLIN

Earthquake Humour Place Shop Stationary
Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN

Control Mind One Liner Religion
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
GEORGE CARLIN

Destroy Drugs Mind One Liner Religion Thinking
I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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Humour Owned Science Telescope
How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Deep Die Man One Liner Perfection
Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Human Nature People Wasted Time
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Challenge Hard Time Humour Inspirational Situation
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN

Confuse Force House Humour Inspirational One Liner
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN

America Body Crazy Fitness Lost Soul Try
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN

Atheism One Liner Organization Prophet
Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Friendship Humour Photographer Photography Picture Thief
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
GEORGE CARLIN

Grass Humanity Nation One Liner Sheep

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