People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN