Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN