One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLINA good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
GEORGE CARLIN