Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLINDon’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN -
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN