The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINA house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Life is tough, then you die.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN