I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLINMost people with low self-esteem have earned it.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLIN