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George Carlin Quote - With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.

With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.

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Confidence Evil Genius Hustle One Liner Training

Bagwalas

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bagpipe Crack Hook Humour People Play
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLIN

Argument Excuse God Man Refuge
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Inspirational Man Myself Shoes Sorry
The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
GEORGE CARLIN

Earthquake Humour Place Shop Stationary
How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Die Man One Liner Perfection
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN

Darkness Forecast Light Morning Night Weather
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN

Crime Criminal Fight Fire Freedom
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLIN

Average Direction Each Other Expectation Life Opposite
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLIN

Blink Cat Hammer Humour One Liner
It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLIN

Game Inspirational One Liner Success Victory Win
Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN

Church Money Religion
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN

Comedy Humour Liberty Thinking
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN

Crappy Day Funny Human Nature Humour People
Life is tough, then you die.
GEORGE CARLIN

Die Life One Liner Reality Tough
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Homeless Humour Naked Shell
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLIN

Attitude Hustle Inspirational Myself One Liner Success
A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
GEORGE CARLIN

Goodness Kill Try Work Hard
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN

Goodness Music One Liner Religion
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLIN

Elimination Honesty Policy Rejection Remember
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN

Alcohol Drinking Fuck Pregnant Warniing Women
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Future Healing Immediate Past Present
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN

Acceptance Attitude Humour Lying Myself Reason Truth
I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN

Cost Deep Freedom Hobby Interest Money Positive
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Man Member Pieces Symbol Wood
Is there another word for synonym?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Synonym
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN

Fight One Liner Peace Screw Sex Virgin
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN

Atheism One Liner Organization Prophet

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