Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLINI’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN -
With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN