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George Carlin Quote - I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Inspirational Man Myself Shoes Sorry
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN

Fire Hustle Money People Work Hard
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLIN

Brake Hands Inspirational Life One Liner Step
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN

One Liner Petty Sweat
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN

Conceal Language One Liner Tool Truth
People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN

Closure Head Healing People
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLIN

Argument Beat Experience Failure Lost
Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Human Nature People Wasted Time
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN

Arrange Beat Failure One Liner
I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN

Cost Deep Freedom Hobby Interest Money Positive
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny House Humour Place Stuff
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Man Member Pieces Symbol Wood
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bomb Inspirational Life Name Risk Scratch
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Fly Walk
With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
GEORGE CARLIN

Confidence Evil Genius Hustle One Liner Training
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN

Breathe Laugh Life One Liner
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLIN

Big Emptiness Glass People Perspective Sad
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN

Confidence Inspirational Life
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN

Atheism One Liner Organization Prophet
I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bagpipe Crack Hook Humour People Play
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLIN

Average Direction Each Other Expectation Life Opposite
It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLIN

Helping Humour Life One Liner Shit
Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLIN

Cling Confuse Hope One Liner
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN

Comedy Humour Liberty Thinking
Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
GEORGE CARLIN

Avoid Circle Friendship Group Moral Wisdom
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN

Alcohol Floor Funny One Liner Tequilla
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN

Failure Humour Hustle Inspirational Success Try

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