“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.

I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.