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George Carlin Quote - One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

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Alcohol Floor Funny One Liner Tequilla

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLIN

Forget Man One Liner Teaching Wisdom Wise
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Idiot Maniac
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN

Age Hell Humour One Liner Price Wisdom
Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN

Church Money Religion
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN

Electricity Light One Liner Organise
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN

Better Birthday Inspirational Old One Liner Realize
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN

Concerntration Crack Flower Fuck Grass Hero
I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLIN

Believe Happiness One Liner World
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Snoking Swimming
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN

Burn Death Enjoyment Family Fun Happiness Hell
Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Human Nature People Wasted Time
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN

Citizen Ignorant Leadership Selfish
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLIN

Elimination Honesty Policy Rejection Remember
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLIN

Brake Hands Inspirational Life One Liner Step
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLIN

Consider Kill Personality Situation
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN

One Liner Petty Sweat
Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bull Shit Life School Simplicity Teaching
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Inspirational One Liner People Stupidity Underestimate
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Challenge Hard Time Humour Inspirational Situation
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN

Crime Criminal Fight Fire Freedom
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLIN

Baby Conservation Death Live Soldier Teaching
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLIN

Business Man Sell Smile Time
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN

Disappointment Sad Scratch
I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN

Humour Owned Science Telescope
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN

Confidence Inspirational Life
Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLIN

Cling Confuse Hope One Liner
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN

Ideas Suck Trouble

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