I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLINOne tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN