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George Carlin Quote - One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

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Alcohol Floor Funny One Liner Tequilla

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLIN

Elimination Honesty Policy Rejection Remember
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN

Ending Happiness Inspirational Life Positive Rain Smile Umbrealla
A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLIN

Blink Cat Hammer Humour One Liner
What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLIN

Dog Funny Inspirational Job Lying
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Snoking Swimming
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN

Confidence Inspirational Life
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN

Atheism One Liner Organization Prophet
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN

Concerntration Crack Flower Fuck Grass Hero
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN

Crappy Day Funny Human Nature Humour People
If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLIN

Charge Hustle Inspirational Kill One Liner
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Inspirational One Liner People Stupidity Underestimate
Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN

Inspirational Life One Liner Success
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLIN

Ending Life One Liner Unfair
It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLIN

Game Inspirational One Liner Success Victory Win
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN

Arrange Beat Failure One Liner
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Inspirational Man Myself Shoes Sorry
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLIN

Audience Funny Stage World
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLIN

Baby Conservation Death Live Soldier Teaching
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Homeless Humour Naked Shell
Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN

Beautiful Language One Liner Positive Smile
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN

Conceal Language One Liner Tool Truth
It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLIN

Helping Humour Life One Liner Shit
Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN

Control Mind One Liner Religion
Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLIN

Attitude Myself One Liner Pardon
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN

Better Birthday Inspirational Old One Liner Realize
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN

America Body Crazy Fitness Lost Soul Try
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLIN

Argument Excuse God Man Refuge

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