“Everyone smiles in the same language.”

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.

Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.

If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.

People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?

A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.

Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

It’s never just a game when you’re winning.

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.

Always do whatever’s next.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

When you see something beautiful in someone, tell them. It may take a minute to say but for them, it could last forever.

Every woman is beautiful and winning in her own way.

Distance makes everything beautiful.

Only those things are beautiful which are inspired by madness and written by reason.

The most beautiful stories begin with courage.

The Internet is a beautiful thing.

All your patience, trust, and dedication are about to pay off in a beautiful way.  

By taking responsibility for how you choose to respond to anything or anyone, you’re aligning yourself with the beautiful dance of life.