People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINThe safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLIN