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George Carlin Quote - The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

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Average Direction Each Other Expectation Life Opposite

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bull Shit Life School Simplicity Teaching
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN

Age Hell Humour One Liner Price Wisdom
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bad Christmas Girl Jolly Live Reason Santa Sex
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deep Future Healing Immediate Past Present
Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLIN

Church Money Religion
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN

Crappy Day Funny Human Nature Humour People
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN

Conceal Language One Liner Tool Truth
There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bad Funny Humour Intention Philosophy Positive
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN

Brain Damage Healing Helping One Liner
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN

Fuck People Planet
Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN

Religion Shoes Wear
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLIN

Attitude Hustle Inspirational Myself One Liner Success
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN

Confuse Force House Humour Inspirational One Liner
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Man Member Pieces Symbol Wood
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN

Concerntration Crack Flower Fuck Grass Hero
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Inspirational One Liner People Stupidity Underestimate
Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN

Control Mind One Liner Religion
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Deal Earth Men One Liner Women
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN

Goodness Music One Liner Religion
The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLIN

Crazy Funny Humour Men Reason Stupidity Women
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Life Money
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN

Ideas Suck Trouble
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN

One Liner Petty Sweat
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN

Crime Criminal Fight Fire Freedom
Meow means woof in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN

Animal Cat Humour One Liner Woof
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
GEORGE CARLIN

Grass Humanity Nation One Liner Sheep
I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN

Humour Owned Science Telescope

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