Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLINThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Religion is just mind control.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN