Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLINThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Religion is just mind control.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLIN