Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLINThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLIN