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George Carlin Quote - The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.

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Average Direction Each Other Expectation Life Opposite

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN

Alcohol Floor Funny One Liner Tequilla
There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Bad Funny Humour Intention Philosophy Positive
It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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Helping Humour Life One Liner Shit
Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Bull Shit Life School Simplicity Teaching
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Fuck People Planet
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Bad Christmas Girl Jolly Live Reason Santa Sex
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Change Deep Discover Life Nature One Liner
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Citizen Ignorant Leadership Selfish
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Business Man Sell Smile Time
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN

Arrange Beat Failure One Liner
People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLIN

Acceptance Handwriting Love Maths People
If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLIN

Charge Hustle Inspirational Kill One Liner
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN

Concerntration Crack Flower Fuck Grass Hero
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Comedy Humour Liberty Thinking
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Earn One Liner People Self Love
If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN

Children Fuck Humour Role Model
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Brain Damage Healing Helping One Liner
Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Friendship Humour Photographer Photography Picture Thief
I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Bagpipe Crack Hook Humour People Play
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN

Better Birthday Inspirational Old One Liner Realize
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Elimination Honesty Policy Rejection Remember
Is there another word for synonym?
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Funny Humour Snoking Swimming
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Ending Life One Liner Unfair
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLIN

Committment Friendship Maintain Murder People Reason Victim
A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
GEORGE CARLIN

Goodness Kill Try Work Hard
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Inspirational One Liner People Stupidity Underestimate

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