If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLINWhen you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
GEORGE CARLIN