Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLINWhen you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLIN