It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLINRegarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Religion is just mind control.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
GEORGE CARLIN