Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINRegarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
More George Carlin Quotes
-
-
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLIN -
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN