If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLINPardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN