There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLINIf your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLIN