Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLINDon’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLIN