Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLINDon’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLIN