The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLINThe planet is fine. The people are fucked.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN