I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLINJust when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
More George Carlin Quotes
-
-
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN -
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN -
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN -
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN -
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN -
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN -
It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN