Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLINI’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
More George Carlin Quotes
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN