We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
GEORGE CARLINPeople love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN