May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLINInside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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Religion is just mind control.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN