A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLINWeather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLIN