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George Carlin Quote - Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLIN

Baby Conservation Death Live Soldier Teaching
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN

Alcohol Floor Funny One Liner Tequilla
There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bad Funny Humour Intention Philosophy Positive
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Man Member Pieces Symbol Wood
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
GEORGE CARLIN

Destroy Drugs Mind One Liner Religion Thinking
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN

Conceal Language One Liner Tool Truth
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLIN

Argument Excuse God Man Refuge
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLIN

One Liner Petty Sweat
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLIN

Breathe Life Memories Moment Travel
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLIN

Average Direction Each Other Expectation Life Opposite
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN

Average Person Realize Stupidity
Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN

Religion Shoes Wear
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN

Age Hell Humour One Liner Price Wisdom
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Life Money
Life is tough, then you die.
GEORGE CARLIN

Die Life One Liner Reality Tough
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN

Breathe Laugh Life One Liner
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLIN

Attitude Hustle Inspirational Myself One Liner Success
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN

America Body Crazy Fitness Lost Soul Try
It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLIN

Game Inspirational One Liner Success Victory Win
A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
GEORGE CARLIN

Goodness Kill Try Work Hard
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN

Citizen Ignorant Leadership Selfish
Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
GEORGE CARLIN

Avoid Circle Friendship Group Moral Wisdom
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Earn One Liner People Self Love
The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
GEORGE CARLIN

Earthquake Humour Place Shop Stationary
Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN

Control Mind One Liner Religion
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLIN

Elimination Honesty Policy Rejection Remember
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Snoking Swimming

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