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George Carlin Quote - Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

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Darkness Forecast Light Morning Night Weather

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLIN

Blink Cat Hammer Humour One Liner
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN

Citizen Ignorant Leadership Selfish
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN

Acceptance Attitude Humour Lying Myself Reason Truth
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN

Group Man Member Pieces Symbol Wood
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN

Funny Humour Idiot Maniac
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN

Age Hell Humour One Liner Price Wisdom
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN

Brain Damage Healing Helping One Liner
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN

Challenge Hard Time Humour Inspirational Situation
Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
GEORGE CARLIN

Destroy Drugs Mind One Liner Religion Thinking
Meow means woof in cat.
GEORGE CARLIN

Animal Cat Humour One Liner Woof
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN

Darkness Forecast Light Morning Night Weather
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN

Fight One Liner Peace Screw Sex Virgin
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLIN

Baby Conservation Death Live Soldier Teaching
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLIN

Breathe Life Memories Moment Travel
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLIN

Ending Life One Liner Unfair
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLIN

Audience Funny Stage World
Life is tough, then you die.
GEORGE CARLIN

Die Life One Liner Reality Tough
Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN

Bull Shit Life School Simplicity Teaching
Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
GEORGE CARLIN

Friendship Humour Photographer Photography Picture Thief
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLIN

Forget Man One Liner Teaching Wisdom Wise
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLIN

Argument Excuse God Man Refuge
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN

Disappointment Sad Scratch
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLIN

Business Man Sell Smile Time
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLIN

Brake Hands Inspirational Life One Liner Step
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN

Fuck People Planet
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLIN

Big Emptiness Glass People Perspective Sad
I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLIN

Believe Happiness One Liner World

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