I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLINConservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
More George Carlin Quotes
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLIN