We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
GEORGE CARLINI think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Religion is just mind control.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN