Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLINMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN