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I’m the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night… and reduce the crime rate.

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Central Crime Night Only Park Reduce Trade Walk Woman

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Christmas Everybody Forgotten Past Present Remember Time Want
Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won’t come in.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, ‘I want to buy a gun for my husband.’ The clerk says, ‘Did he tell you what kind of gun?’ ‘No,’ she replied. ‘He doesn’t even know I’m going to shoot him.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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You know you’re old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you’re barefoot.
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Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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There’s such a buildup of crud in my oven, there’s only room to bake a single cupcake.
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I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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A terrible thing happened to me last night again—nothing.
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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