It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
PHYLLIS DILLERBy far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
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Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
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I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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You’ve got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It’s when somebody steps on the bride’s train, or belches during the ceremony that you’ve got comedy!
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER