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What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

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Christmas Day Job Look Next Office Party

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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, ‘Who could have done this? We have no enemies!’
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The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I’m looking for a perfume to overpower men – I’m sick of karate.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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By far the most common craving of pregnant women is not to be pregnant.
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Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, “Attack!” And he has one. All he does is piddle. He’s nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.
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Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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You know you’re old when your walker has an airbag.
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… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, ‘Take off your clothes’?
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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