My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLER
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
self-pity is better than none.
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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
PHYLLIS DILLER -
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing at you.
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Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don’t want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
PHYLLIS DILLER