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Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

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Aim high, and you won’t shoot your foot off.
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Aim Fool High Off Shoot
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Humble Keep Know Mirror
… if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don’t let them put the year.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Comedy Revisited Tragedy
If my jeans could talk, they’d plead for mercy.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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I never made `Who’s Who,’ but I’m featured in `What’s That?’
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Feature Made never That What
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along – but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Along Always Easy Only Same Tell Understand
Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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It’s true Fang and I fight, but we’ve never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Bed Course Fang Gone Mad Month Three True Was Year
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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All Mother Working
I’m eighteen years behind in my ironing. There’s no use doing it now, it doesn’t fit anybody I know.
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Anybody Behind Doing Eighteen Iron Know Now Use Year
I’ve tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t’ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Buddhism Depth Feng Numerous Straight Technology Transcendental Work
My own laugh is the real thing and I’ve had it all my life.
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
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I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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My body’s in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Bad Body Phase Prescription Shape Such Underwater Wear
Remarrying a husband you’ve divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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Appendix Back Divorce Husband Like Put Remarry

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